the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
