I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
