There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
