"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
