i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
