Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
