sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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