Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
