Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
