We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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