Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
