Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
