we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
COCAINE IS GR8
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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