Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
This baby is an asshole
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize