I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
