forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
