i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
