You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
