just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
well you can't waste a boner
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
