i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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