OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
