i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
