I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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