Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
This toilet bowl is my home.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
