U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
