how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
