Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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