Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
