i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
