guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
