The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Randomize
