so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
