somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
