Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
