just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
