You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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