I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
That reminds me...we need to get swords
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
