And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
handjob tips. give me some.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
