do herpes really smell.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
