i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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