I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
