Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize