yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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