I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
