Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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