Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We had to coat check the pizza.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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