I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
