I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
