We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
