cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
