im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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