i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
