Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Randomize
