He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
