how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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