don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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