Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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