If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize