Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
