fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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