Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
