She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
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