i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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