Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My breasts were aching with rage.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
