So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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