I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You're like the curious george of whores
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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