I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
