He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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